I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks. When C passed away, G and D got back in touch with me. We’ve been chatting a bit and some things have come to light. What I thought I knew to be the truth may not be what actually was.
Guess who? Yeah, it’s me. Which means something probably went wrong. And it did. A guy who I was friends with for most of my life passed away yesterday. And even though we haven’t spoken in years, and for good reason, this is still affecting me more than I thought it would.
Hi Dad. I’m sure you know, but since this is an exercise in how I grieve, I’ll say it anyways. E, the wonderful step-mother that you made a part of my life, has left to join you. I got home from my most recent trip to the Sunshine State where I said goodbye to her. And how I feel, the heartache, is all to familiar.
I find myself at a loss for words as I sit here trying to get my feelings out of my head and into words. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve hit a pivotal age. I don’t feel that old, age-wise, but something sure feels different.
Hi Dad and G. I was sitting here the other day listening to music, and decided to listen to the album New Jersey by Bon Jovi. It’s actually a pretty good album, with nearly every single tune being really good. Then I got to the song blood on blood, and it really made me stop and think.
Hi Dad. Seems I always write you when something is wrong, doesn’t it? My latest dilemma is something I’ve known about for quite some time, but despite that, it has snuck up on me anyways. I am probably the scardest I have ever been in my life, and I just don’t know what to do with myself.
Hi Dad, Yeah, I know your birthday was a few days ago. I just got back from a trip to FL to be with everyone for the first of your birthdays without you. We spent a lot of time in the car, but the trip was well worth it and we spent tons of quality time with the family. I kind of wish it didn’t have to end.
Hi Dad. You’ve got company coming your way. I hope you’ll like him. He was probably the most influential father figure I had as I was growing up. Out of the different men who came and went as I grew, none of them made such a profound impact in my life as he did. I can honestly say that he really helped shape the man I am today. And now, so shortly after I lost you, he is gone as well.
It was exactly a week ago today that I saw you for the last time. It was a small affair, with only close friends and family. I’ll be honest when I say that I literally didn’t know how well I was going to fare. I think I did good enough.
Well, it’s official. It’s too late. I’m never going to find out all the things I wanted to know about you, or to tell you everything about who I am. I guess I figured there would still be time. Well, there isn’t. That boat has sailed.