Hi Dad. I’m sure you know, but since this is an exercise in how I grieve, I’ll say it anyways. E, the wonderful step-mother that you made a part of my life, has left to join you. I got home from my most recent trip to the Sunshine State where I said goodbye to her. And how I feel, the heartache, is all to familiar.

So, I will admit that I feel a little guilty writing this. Here I am posting about how this makes me feel, full well knowing that her biological children must be feeling it so much more than I. I actually wrote most of this post several weeks ago, but just couldn’t bring myself to post it. I guess I felt ‘wrong’, like I was somehow stepping on my sisters feelings about their mom. No, they have NEVER made me feel this way, this is a ME thing. And I don’t know why I felt that way.

I got the call that it was near the end, and I told work I needed time off, and I left. I drove down to FL with an open ended hotel reservation to spend what time I could with the family. And everyone was so welcoming and happy to have me. My sisters and Aunt A, and S can’t forget him. We spent time sitting and talking with E, holding her hand, and just being with her. When the time came, we were all at her side and telling her how much she was loved.

It was incredibly sad, but at the same time she was no longer hanging on in that state. If she were suffering, at all, it had come to an end. This thought gave me solace, at the least.

My sisters are rocks. They are. You and E raised them to be strong and resilient, and that’s awesome. They were sad, yes, but know things must go on.

I’m sitting here now, tears in my eyes as I write this, but can’t think of anymore to write right now.

I love you, E, and I am so sad you’re gone. But the two of you are together again, which makes me smile.