It was exactly a week ago today that I saw you for the last time.  It was a small affair, with only close friends and family.  I’ll be honest when I say that I literally didn’t know how well I was going to fare.  I think I did good enough.

The kids (well, most of them) and I drove down to spend time with family, and to see you one more time.  I can tell you it was one of the longest drives of my life.  The many emotions I was feeling were wreaking havoc on me and I really had no idea how I was going to take it.  I wasn’t sure I was ready yet to let you go.  I’m still not sure, a week later.

We were able to visit my stepmom in the hospital.  It was so good to see her.  The room was already so full of people, and it made me happy to see her surrounded by so much love.  Your youngest daughter was there, and I was shocked at how much she’d grown since I last saw her.  She’s taller than I am, and I am by no means short.  Seems time has been flying even faster than I’d thought.  My Aunt M was there, too, with her husband.  We had a pleasant visit and did a little catching up.  I guess I was a little worried about not being accepted by everyone.  I can’t even say why, but I shouldn’t have given it a thought.  That fear vanished as soon as I walked into the room.  When the time came to leave, I really wasn’t ready, but there was stuff to be done (and a daughter to pick up from the airport).

They say that time waits for no man, and soon the morning came when we would all see you for the last time.  When we arrived, there were many people congregated in the lobby area, I’m assuming to give those inside some time and space.  At first, I wasn’t sure whether I should wait a bit with everyone else, or go ahead in.  That indecision didn’t last long, I wanted to be with my stepmom and sisters.

I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Opening the door and walking into that room was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Inside I found my stepmom and sisters, as well as a handful of others.  We exchanged hugs and tears.  I tried so hard to stay strong for them, but it just didn’t work out for me in the end.  But I did try.

When I finally turned and laid my eyes on you, my heart wrenched and I had to turn away.  My kids were standing behind me, and when I turned and saw their faces I suddenly felt very fragile.  They all looked so sad and my heart broke in an instant.  I went to each of them and hugged them tight as I weeped into their shoulders.  I don’t know what they were thinking, I’m not really one to show that side of myself.  But to their credit they hugged me back and said nothing.

The rest of the time was good.  So many people said so many kind and awesome things about you and to you.  I’ll admit I had to reach for the tissue box on more than one occasion.  But it was nice, and I loved hearing a little bit of how you touched everyone’s lives.  I’d be lying if I said that I remembered everyone who was there.  I’m actually terrible with names, until I get to know someone better.  I can tell you that Aunt A was there, and I think she’s a riot.  T was there (my… foster-sister?) and she’s totally awesome.  Honestly, everyone was great.

Inevitably, the time came for us to leave.  I shed even more tears as my stepmom said goodbye.  She loves you so much, and my heart just aches for her.  I’m having a hard time just typing this as the tears run down my face.

The finally, it was my turn.  Everyone else (except my children) had left the room and it was just us.  I studied your face, trying to commit every line to memory.  I took your hand, and was a little surprised at how cold it was.  Don’t get me wrong, of course it was, but my mind was just not working as it usually was.  I silently said what I had to say, including my goodbyes.

Walking out of that room was even harder than it had been to walk in.

The rest of the time was a blur, as it seemed to go by so fast.  We spent some time talking to everyone in the lobby, before taking our leave.  Once my stepmom was situated in her rehab room, we were able to visit with her some more.  I saw my niece and nephew for the first time.  They’re so beautiful.  There was, of course, a bit more talking and story telling.  I learned a number of things that I didn’t know before…

• You were apparently an incredible shower singer… and (according to your wife) not-so-much out of the shower…  I’m a car singer, myself.
• You played the guitar, and taught my sisters to play.  I’ve always wanted to play the guitar…
• I learned that you had a bit of a wild streak when you were younger, and heard a couple stories of your hijinks.  Now I know where I got my wild streak from.
• It seems that I spent a lot of time with my Aunt M when I was very young.  This would actually account for how instantly comfortable with her I was.  She told me a story of taking me to the mall to find a card for my mom when I was little.  I believe I can actually remember the event, even though the details are a bit fuzzy.  I do, however, remembering going into the card store (near where the orange bowl pizza place was) to look at cards and being “found” there.
• I miss each and every one of these people.  They are my family, and I need to have them in my life.  I think they feel the same, I sure hope they do.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster these last couple of weeks.  I’m sure its the same for everyone else, as well.  I’ve been meaning to write you all week, but didn’t want to start unless I had time to sit and give it the thought it deserves.  I’m sure I left out lots of details, and lots of people as well.  But it includes enough so you can understand what it all meant to me.

And so, as I promised before, some more about me is coming.  I guess we can talk favorites this time.  Here are some off the top of my head, in no specific order:

Bond Actor:	Pierce Brosnan
Star trek Series:	Star Trek: The Next Generation
Football Team:	Miami Dolphins
Baseball Team:	Not sure.  It used to be the Marlins, before Miami got all weird and changed their name to include Miami, just like they changed Dade county to Miami-Dade because “Dade” wasn’t famous enough.
Author:	Dean Koontz
Musician:	Billy Joel… of course.
Movie Genre:	Sci-Fi.
Ice-cream Flavor:	Mint chocolate chip
Cookie:	Oatmeal Raisin
Veggie:	Broccoli
Carnival Ride:	The Himalaya
Cardio:	Rollerskating (I worked at a rink for years)
Season:	Spring
Superhero:	Wolverine, obviously
Breakfast food:	Eww, breakfast?
Musical:	Camelot, with Robert Goulet and Julie Andrews

Of course, there’s much more.  That’s just what came to mind at the moment.

I think I’ll leave off here, but I’ll definitely write again soon.

I love you…

Rich

 

P.S. –  I’m sure you’ve noticed how I’m purposely not using anyone’s names.  I’m putting these letters to you on a public space, so my friends and loved ones can read them.  Unfortunately, it means that others can read them as well and I’d prefer to keep everyone somewhat anonymous.  Those people who know them, will know who they are.  You will definitely know who they are, which is what’s important.